Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Strength in Him

We recently found out we were expecting.  We were excited and blessed to know that God had given us another little one and that he/she would be joining our family soon, but after several days of severe stomach pain on my right side and a spot of blood, we decided to head to the emergency room to have the baby and I checked out.  After a few tests, they discovered that the baby was not growing in my uterus but in my right fallopian tube.  Mathieu and I were heart broken but also at peace knowing that God already knows the outcome and He will see us through this.  The E.R. doctor told us that there were two things that could happen but of course it would depend on what the GYN had to say.  I could get a shot of a cancer drug that aborts the baby and my body would then absorb any leftover tissue, or I could have surgery to remove the baby.  Mathieu and I did not want to have the shot, the long term effects and the procedure didn't follow our beliefs.  We prayed and cried out to God to help us to know what the right thing was and if we were suppose to have the shot to let us know that.  A few minutes after praying the GYN came in and let us know the two options again but after her explanation she went on to say that she felt it was safer for us to have the surgery.  She couldn't tell from the ultrasounds the amount of damage that had been done so she felt surgery was better.   Mathieu and I were so happy that we could feel God hands and Him moving.

The surgery went well and the doctor took pictures to show us how the surgery went.  She found more blood than she thought there was and was glad we went with the surgery.  I did loose my right fallopian tube but I still have both ovaries and my left fallopian tube.  While this has some affect on our fertility, we know that God has control over how many blessings we have and when we have them.  We are thankful for His knowledge and His timing, though it's not what we always want it's always best.

"I will praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns played in my head the day of and the weeks following our loss. The song goes like this:

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I'm linking up with Raising Homemakers

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